i think its just the combination of adrenaline and caffeine kicking in to prop up my bottomed out blood pressure but its weird feeling alert

that whole agitated restless simmering Something Is Coming feeling paired with insane insomnia is probably uh, not great. but art soon :)

being incredibly and nauseatingly mentally ill has only one upside: when im well enough to make art it fucking rules lmfao

i just need to get REALLY fixated on something to start writing again. that'll make me normaller lmfao

i'm like the gossamer thin strand of my sanity lies in the hands of my older brother and literally no one else fr. disastrous in 2024

can't kill myself because i want to play touys with my big brother. i'm very mentally well as you may be able to tell

thinking about what past me would think of myself as is and the answer is: WHAT THE FUCK? YOU'RE ALIVE? and me too kid. me too

truly a snugglebunny beast. nothing better than violently shivering from bloodloss and being cozy beneath blankets crushing me

i love my big brother because he indulges me by doing papernapkin math to determine im experiencing ~70% of fatal daily blood loss

*thinking about something my brother said earlier* yeagh. i guess he has a point

being so deeply, deeply unwell that multiple specialist therapists soft-fire you via referral out to more advanced care is an experience

re-framing psychotic symptoms as just being god's favourite special little babycat angel. or whatever

tbh at this point the persistence of the secondary symptoms probably qualifies me for psychotic depression. fuck it we ball

i have one (1) person who loves me and im like yeah thats sufficient to not go evil mousebites. i guess

you can't keep carrying it all by yourself. it's like dragging a corpse behind you. eventually you have to let go

anyway, onto better and brighter things, i guess

for the love of fucking god why the FUCK does fallen london keep logging me out. jesus fucking christ

been getting incredibly restless. that's a good sign of gearing up to doing something i think

crippled but not in an inspiring way, in a 'disgusts and evokes revulsion and disdain' sorta crippled

unrepentant cripplepunk but my god. sometimes i wish my body would stop trying to dissolve into blood and foam